The Darkness is Real

This is a photo manip version of my drawing "Trapped in Tunnel Vision Chaos" [link] which is a conceptual drawing based on the emotions that I felt while in the deepest depression I had ever been in. I was miserable, sick with eating disorders, mutilating my body and just waiting for death. I felt like I was trapped in a tunnel of dark chaos that would eventually drive me so insane that my brain would just turn to mush. It was as though I could actually feel my mind unspooling, feel the thread of my sanity snag and pull, fraying what was left of me like an old sweater and there was nothing I could do about it.

There were times when I thought I would never get out of that tunnel. I couldn't see anything brighter beyond it, couldn't see a way out and I expected to die in the chaos balled up like a scared child. If someone had told me back then that in a few years I would be happy, and loved, and confident, I wouldn't have believed it. But here I am. I made it out of the tunnel and there was a big prize waiting for me on the other side. My life.

I still feel as though the darkness is trying to pull me back in sometimes, I think that's why I felt the need to express this concept again as a photo manip as opposed to a drawing, to show that it's still very real to me.


Photography by
Model is me
Photomanipulation by me