Conceptual drawing based on the emotions that I felt while in the deepest depression I had ever been in. I was miserable, sick with eating disorders, mutilating my body and just waiting for death. I felt like I was trapped in a tunnel of dark chaos that would eventually drive me so insane that my brain would just turn to mush. It was as though I could actually feel my mind unspooling, feel the thread of my sanity snag and pull, fraying what was left of me like an old sweater and there was nothing I could do about it.

There were times when I thought I would never get out of that tunnel. I couldn't see anything brighter beyond it, couldn't see a way out and I expected to die in the chaos balled up like a scared child. If someone had told me back then that in a few years I would be happy, and loved, and confident, I wouldn't have believed it. But here I am. I made it out of the tunnel and there was a big prize waiting for me on the other side. My life.

Sometimes I wonder about that tunnel, and if I hadn't made it out. Many people don't make it out of their darkness, and I wonder if they had, if they had held on for just a little longer, if they would have gotten a surprise of a new life at the other side. I think everyone does. You just have to hold on long enough to get to it. You have to be able to find your own reasons for living, even when trapped in dark chaos, and then when the darkness gives way, you'll find what you've really been living for.



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